Why is it so difficult to ask for what we want?
Being bold and confident isn’t always easy. Often I find myself expecting to be surrounded by a sea of mind-readers and wizards…people that know exactly what I want (even if I myself am not clear on what that is). I somehow convinced myself that it’s greedy to be bold ask for what I want, or that I don’t have the right to ‘impose myself’ on others. But oddly enough I also feel totally justified in being frustrated when those unspoken wishes go un-noticed or unfulfilled.
A little crazy, no?
Sometimes we wish that we didn’t have to ask for things like a hug or words of affirmation. We feel like our partner or friends should just know! And sometimes we humans get it right. But the truth is that sometimes we get it very wrong, even with the best of intentions. Maybe we think that words of encouragement and guidance are most helpful, when in fact all our friend wants is a hug and confirmation that they are not alone or insane. Maybe we are afraid to be pushy or demanding with our partner, when what they really want is for us to be bold in asking for our heart’s desire so they don’t have to guess all the time.
It is not selfish or silly to ask for help and support when we need it. In fact, that kind of vulnerability takes a huge amount of courage because there are no guarantees on how others will react. We put ourselves out there, but we only have control over how we interact with and see the world around us.
But folks – That is a HUGE amount of control!
When I share my desires with openness and love, I not only drastically increase my chances of getting what I want, but I also open myself up for truly hearing and understanding more from my friends and partner. And when I consciously choose to drop expectations and let them be who they are, I gain insights into how they see and interact with their world. Win-Win!
What if we are simply curious to see what happens when we share our thoughts boldly with the ones we love? Drop the pre-conceived idea that we know what will happen and just go into it with curiosity and no expectations. A simple social science experiment…
What areas could you be bolder in sharing your wishes or desires?